What a great introduction! I loved how you set up the scene with the stories being told to young girls. It’s a different approach than just outright introducing the topic and I think it’s really creative and entertaining. You have some great detail which really gives insight into what the young girls are like and how they think. I think your introduction sets you up to have some really great stories. I’ll be interested to see what the mom has to say! Overall, the theme and pictures really fit your topic. The only thing is that you don’t have a picture on your introduction yet. However, I love the picture on the coverpage, it really shows the goddesses and their birds (of course). Overall, I think the introduction gives a great scene to what will happen next and is intriging for the following stories. I’ve never heard of stories about goddesses and birds (cause why birds?) but I think it would be really cool to read about how these young girls fantasize about being goddesses. They seem playful and fun, and any girl can relate to playing pretend and dressing up when they were little. I think this is a great start and I’m excited to see what you do next. Thanks for sharing!
Emily, your cover page and title did a good job of making me interested in your subject matter. I think the aesthetic of the cover page suits your topic. The colors look nice and I think the color choices you made were good ones. The collage you made as a front page image was cool and all the links redirected perfectly for me. The navigation was no problem and the introduction was easy to find.
I liked your introduction and I thought the setup was good. You used details and descriptive language well to set the scene and the direction the introduction was going was clear. I did find one error while proofreading.
“The castle was surrounded by big stuffed bear soldiers and kept the princesses safe from all the bad witches out in the neighboring land” → I think here the ‘and’ should be ‘who’.
That error was not a big deal at all and probably an oversight thing which happens to everybody. I thought your writing was good and I think you made it easy for yourself to transition intro the first story when that time comes! I noticed that you didn’t have an image on your introduction page, but I think it’s fine that way. I’m not sure what kind of image you’d put and if it would really add anything or not.
Emily, so far I think my favorite part of your storybook is the design and layout of it! I think the nature look with greens and plants looks fantastic, makes it easy to read and navigate, and fits your theme extremely well - so well done there!
I also love the idea of Goddess and their birds, such a unique look on Greek Mythology, and that is precisely what drew me into your storybook to read and comment on this week! So naturally, I think your graphic on your home page is perfect! Although, I did not find a graphic on your introduction page. Maybe you could use one of little girls having a slumber party and playing princess.
Other than that, I think you have a unique take on your introduction that is different from most approaches people take! I like that you used a modern-day example of young girls having a sleepover, dressing up as princesses, playing with toys, and wanting bedtime stories because that is so much more relatable to a lot of us than Greek Mythology goddesses is.
The only suggestion I would add is to maybe not focus so much on the slumber party, rather than the real point of the story - the bedtime story. I feel like if you go into too much detail about the girls playing and what not, it confuses the reader when you switch angles on them and instead focus on their bedtime stories that do not have as much relation to all the details in the slumber party, if that makes sense.
Overall, I think you are off to a great start though, and I cannot wait to see what other elements and stories you will add!
I really liked all of the descriptions you wrote about the slumber party. You made it easy to picture the three girls' imaginations running wild with the toys available to them. But when Janie brought up the birds toward the end of the story, it seemed a little abrupt and out of place. Maybe the birds could be worked into the paragraph about the slumber party to build up their entrance more. In your first story, I was curious about why Bridget's brothers and sisters didn't like to play with her. Was she different from them in some way? I also wondered what Zeus wanted to keep Bridget safe from after dark. Had something happened to Bridget at night before that he was trying to prevent from happening again? I LOVE your idea of giving the peacock feathers eyes that can really see! That was pretty genius. The last paragraph confused me. Did Zeus make the peacock to keep Bridget safe on earth or to keep Hera company while he was away? I thought you did a great job of changing the story to make it more like a child's bedtime story while still maintaining Hera's jealous nature at the core of the story.
I love the layout of your storybook with the color scheme. It really makes me feel like I'm witnessing a feral nature type of scene! Beautiful art selection for the coverpage, especially since it depicts women with their different birds. I love that the introduction portrays the girls pretending to be princesses. It really reminds me of my friends when we were little, we could pretend pretty much anything and we would build fortresses of blankets too! Great job immortalizing this story in a modern point of view for the introduction! I could not help but smile when you described the stuffed animals as their loyal subjects. The little girls are so sweet. It will be a fantastic way to do your storybook by using the mother to tell the little girls the stories of goddesses and their birds. I am really looking forward to which specific stories you will choose because there are so many goddess stories but I do not recall the birds myself. Since I am doing princesses, it made me smile that the girls loved the goddesses as well and not just princess stories. I am really looking forward to reading your storybook, so definitely give it your all! Fantastic job!
I really like the picture you used; it was exactly the title to a T! I am so impressed by the images other people find for their stories in the class. Your introduction was fabulous. It was like being placed back in elementary school. I could see my friends and myself pretending to be princesses living in pillow castles, hiding from evil monsters. It was an exceptional way to introduce each of you three stories, because no little girl can go to sleep without a bedtime story and it especially has to be a story about princesses. Although, I was a little confused about the bird part. If they all love birds so much that it has to be in the bedtime story, then why did they not have birds when they were playing their favorite slumber party game? The way you incorporated the little girl, Bridget, into your first story was very clever. I was curious of how you were going to have each girl be in the story since the first story was about Hera, but what you did was incredibly creative. However, I was fairly certain that in Greek mythology gods, the word “god” is lowercased since it is a descriptive term where as when you are referring to God almighty, his name is God so therefore it is capitalized. Other than that I found your retelling to be perfect! These stories were probably originally told to people at parties, for entertainment, and at bedtime. It is perfect for you to write these stories as bedtime stories because that is probably what they were originally used for. Excellent job! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
Emily, I just wanted to say thanks for such an awesome comment! I have seen a few of your comments on other peoples blogs and I love how you always try to give everyone feedback. It definitely shows that you want to help people improve their writing and you are really paying attention to what they are trying to communicate. You are awesome!
First off I think the template you chose for your storybook project is very fitting. I love the calm, nature feel it brings. And of course the collage is great for your cover page, showing all three goddesses you will be discussing! Your introduction was fascinating to read and very ‘story-like’. In fact, it reminded me of my childhood and playing dress up and having slumber parties with friends and made up fortresses out of pillows, sheets, and blankets. I think you introduced the theme of the story adequately. I love mythology and reading about gods and goddesses and their supernatural power and beauty, it’s all so fascinating!
After reading your author’s note I would definitely agree with the changes you decided to make in order to make it appropriate for children. The typical story of Hera and Zeus is always a fun one. I enjoyed how you talked about her animal and how it came to be. You did a great job of incorporating bits of the other story (the children being told the bedtime story). I think you did a great job with the first two postings for the Storybook Project. I can’t wait to read about the other goddesses and their birds.
Hey Emily! I wanted to thank you for your comment last week. I am trying to step out of my comfort zone when I tell the stories and be more creative when retelling them. Your comment reaffirmed to me that I made the right decision in using a diary style that week. You truly understood what I was trying to accomplish with that, and it boosted my confidence that I made the right choice. Thanks again, and feel free to comment on my posts any time!
I wanted to say thank you for your comment on my storybook project a few weeks ago. I thought you did a really good job of being positive, constructive, and helpful with your comments. I definitely agree with you about the template, and I have since changed it to something softer like you suggested.
Hey Emily! Great job on the layout of your website! I love it! It looks very sophisticated and compliments your storybook nicely! You took out time into your pictures so that you could add them to your storybook.
I also really liked your introduction. Your introduction has just the right amount of details and excitement without being too long. You definitely captured a very playful and fairy-tale-like tone, which is a nice change of pace from typical Greek-Roman mythological stories.
As for your first story, it is very well written! I like how you incorporated Bridget into the story. I also am glad that you made it G-Rated! We both know Greek-Roman myths are the most kid friendly stories so it must have taken some time to do that. Great job on it!
For your second story, I actually liked this story better than your first one. Partly, because I like Athena more as a goddess. It is also because you took another story that did not include the owl, but added it with your own flare. Your story is very well written and it is easy to follow. I can definitely see Disney coming out with a movie from this plot!!!! Keep up the good work!
First off, I really like the layout and aesthetics of your blog and storybook. Your color choices and everything look really good so great job there! Your use of images is really great and effective as well!
I really liked your introduction. The characters really jumped off the page and it really made me want to keep reading. I love that your topic is being framed by a storytelling-type frame. It was really interesting to me that you are framing your overall storybook as a storytelling session by the character's mother.
Your first story was awesome. Your use of imagery was really great. I didn't get to read the original story, but I think that your retelling was great, as it fit in very well with your overall theme of a children's story. I could picture the mother telling the little girls about it while they were tucked into bed. I thought it was very well done.
Your second story was also really great. I liked that you use simple language in the story, as it is a tale being told to children in the frame story. I also really liked how you brought back the little girl characters in this story! It was great to see the dialogue of the frame story as well as the individual stories within it.
This is a really pleasant story to read. I love the classic idea of a frame story featuring children being told the individual tales by a mother. The introduction is engaging and the first few paragraphs really paint a nice picture of the three girls and what their passionate about. The voice of the mother shines through both of the stories, which have a very storytell-y (to use a word that does not exist) tone to them. I read the story of Io from Ovid’s Metamorphoses and liked it for what I could understand of it (I was using an old and rather murky translation), but you do a wonderful job of taking what is at times a very sad story and making it much more charming and kid-friendly. I am not as familiar with the other story, but I was glad that you treated me to a tale from Greek mythology that I was completely unfamiliar with. I like you’ve made such lofty figures as Zeus and Athena very down-to-earth and easy to relate to in keeping with the children’s story theme. The way you insert comments from the three listening children also enhances the appeal of the stories as they show the interactive aspects of storytelling that make it such a fun thing for children to get themselves engaged in.
When I first look at your coverpage, I feel like I'm in a garden, and I think that fits well with the premise of your Storybook. You've done a great job at avoiding a lot of white space, which I think distracts the reader and takes away from visual impact.
In your introduction, is there any reason why Janie's mom asks the girls if she can tell a story about three goddesses? Is it because goddesses are associated with certain birds in the first place? Perhaps I need to read further to find out. It might be worth it to include an explanation on Janie's mom's part. Maybe one of the girls could ask, "Why?" Then, Janie's mom could explain. It's up to you; I don't think it takes too much away from your Storybook.
Typically, I'm used to seeing a lot of anger and sex in stories of Greek mythology, so your first story was a nice change of pace. I must say that the image you chose matches the background very well. It's incredibly pleasing to the eye. Plus, you did a good job and making this seem like an actually bedtime story. It doesn't seem forced at all! Good job!
Hello Emily! This is the first time that I have seen your storybook. I will be commenting on just about everything. Your cover page looks great. The theme is nice and the font is easy to read. I really like the picture as well. You set up your storybook nicely in the introduction. I like how this started as three little girls playing and has now turned into a grand story. You have the commenting “on” on the introduction. That is an easy fix. Go to the open more actions menu, click on page setting and a pop-up window will appear. In that window uncheck the commenting box and that should turn it off. I think a picture would go great on your introduction, maybe a pink castle or something. A picture would help pull the reader in a little more. Plus, I think towards the end of our storybook we have to go back and edit the introduction and include a picture. I love the picture on your first story! Peacocks are beautiful. I like that you added Bridget’s interjection into the first story. I did the same type of thing in my storybook as well. I think adding that helps with the story. “Zeus did not want her walking around the fields by herself after the sun had.” I think you forgot the “gone down” part of this sentence. The rest of your story looked great! If I were you I would look into the “Watch Out For IT” revising technique. I noticed that you use “it” a lot in your stories. I also have this problem but this revision technique does wonders for your writing. I hope this helps and keep up the great work.
I really love the cover page you have created! I feel that you did a great job of making the reader really feel that they are apart of the story. I think the calming colors you picked were a great idea and they really set the mood for the reader. I also like the picture; it shows so many different birds. The picture also allows for the reader to imagine what the following stories may be about. Great job! One suggestion I do have for you about the cover page is to center the picture. I think it would look more balanced if it were in the middle of the page.
I really loved your introduction! I think you did a great job of painting the scene and allowing the reader to feel as if they are there. I love the idea of them having a sleepover and pretending to be princesses. I also like how the ending of your introduction is a great lead in to the next story.
I love your story; Hera and the Peacock. I think you did a great job of conveying the right messages. I also like that you have continued the theme from the introduction in to this post and included one of the girls. Great job!
In Athena and the Owl you did a great job of giving the right amount of details. I think it is so cleaver for two gods to be competing for a city and to have the owl help Athena win!
The design for your storybook is very fitting to your theme and stories. I have seen a lot of people use the tree with blooming flowers, but none of them have been as appropriate as it is for goddesses and their beautiful, pet birds. I like the light colors of the background and the green, earthy colors in the font.
I liked the way the introduction set up things from the viewpoint of storytelling meant for little girls. I am kind of glad that the goddesses will not be behaving horribly as they do in many of the Greek stories. Also, I am not familiar with stories of goddesses with their birds, and it makes me curious to see what you have chosen.
The latest story, Aphrodite and the Doves, was adapted perfectly into a bedtime story. It just kind of pushed aside the cheating and the divorce, but it was still true to most of the story. The way the narrator puts the girls into the stories makes the framework seem more real. I also appreciate the random comments from the girls. I know that there is no way they would stay silent through the whole story. Overall, you have done a great job of tailoring the stories and making them your own.
First of all, I really like the design of your storybook. It's really clean and it doesn't feel cluttered or overly busy. So I think it definitely gives off the divine vibe that I think you're going for. Also, I think your set-up is really nice. I wonder which kind of bird the little girls are going to like best? I'm sure that those little girls got to hear some really cool and interesting bedtime stories. I was super excited to get to read about that first story, because the last line of your Introduction had me hooked-- " Once upon a time..."
I really like the story about the creation of the Peacock, but I definitely liked all the changes that you made to it. I think including Bridget in the story would be something that a parent telling a bedtime story would do, and I'm glad that Zeus wasn't having an affair. His motives in your story are much more appropriate for a child's bedtime story. One thing that might add to your story is if you had the girls and the Mom discuss the story at the end. It might be a way for us, and the girls, to learn a lesson from the story. Just an idea though, because I think you're doing awesome! Keep it up!
Hi Emily, I just wanted to say thanks for all your great comments throughout the semester. You gave great feedback and were very helpful. I felt like you really read what people wrote in their blog posts and you responded with meaningful comments. I hope you have a great rest of the semester and I am glad that we got to “meet” in this class!
What a great introduction! I loved how you set up the scene with the stories being told to young girls. It’s a different approach than just outright introducing the topic and I think it’s really creative and entertaining. You have some great detail which really gives insight into what the young girls are like and how they think. I think your introduction sets you up to have some really great stories. I’ll be interested to see what the mom has to say! Overall, the theme and pictures really fit your topic. The only thing is that you don’t have a picture on your introduction yet. However, I love the picture on the coverpage, it really shows the goddesses and their birds (of course). Overall, I think the introduction gives a great scene to what will happen next and is intriging for the following stories. I’ve never heard of stories about goddesses and birds (cause why birds?) but I think it would be really cool to read about how these young girls fantasize about being goddesses. They seem playful and fun, and any girl can relate to playing pretend and dressing up when they were little. I think this is a great start and I’m excited to see what you do next. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteEmily, your cover page and title did a good job of making me interested in your subject matter. I think the aesthetic of the cover page suits your topic. The colors look nice and I think the color choices you made were good ones. The collage you made as a front page image was cool and all the links redirected perfectly for me. The navigation was no problem and the introduction was easy to find.
ReplyDeleteI liked your introduction and I thought the setup was good. You used details and descriptive language well to set the scene and the direction the introduction was going was clear. I did find one error while proofreading.
“The castle was surrounded by big stuffed bear soldiers and kept the princesses safe from all the bad witches out in the neighboring land” → I think here the ‘and’ should be ‘who’.
That error was not a big deal at all and probably an oversight thing which happens to everybody. I thought your writing was good and I think you made it easy for yourself to transition intro the first story when that time comes! I noticed that you didn’t have an image on your introduction page, but I think it’s fine that way. I’m not sure what kind of image you’d put and if it would really add anything or not.
Emily, so far I think my favorite part of your storybook is the design and layout of it! I think the nature look with greens and plants looks fantastic, makes it easy to read and navigate, and fits your theme extremely well - so well done there!
ReplyDeleteI also love the idea of Goddess and their birds, such a unique look on Greek Mythology, and that is precisely what drew me into your storybook to read and comment on this week! So naturally, I think your graphic on your home page is perfect! Although, I did not find a graphic on your introduction page. Maybe you could use one of little girls having a slumber party and playing princess.
Other than that, I think you have a unique take on your introduction that is different from most approaches people take! I like that you used a modern-day example of young girls having a sleepover, dressing up as princesses, playing with toys, and wanting bedtime stories because that is so much more relatable to a lot of us than Greek Mythology goddesses is.
The only suggestion I would add is to maybe not focus so much on the slumber party, rather than the real point of the story - the bedtime story. I feel like if you go into too much detail about the girls playing and what not, it confuses the reader when you switch angles on them and instead focus on their bedtime stories that do not have as much relation to all the details in the slumber party, if that makes sense.
Overall, I think you are off to a great start though, and I cannot wait to see what other elements and stories you will add!
I really liked all of the descriptions you wrote about the slumber party. You made it easy to picture the three girls' imaginations running wild with the toys available to them. But when Janie brought up the birds toward the end of the story, it seemed a little abrupt and out of place. Maybe the birds could be worked into the paragraph about the slumber party to build up their entrance more. In your first story, I was curious about why Bridget's brothers and sisters didn't like to play with her. Was she different from them in some way? I also wondered what Zeus wanted to keep Bridget safe from after dark. Had something happened to Bridget at night before that he was trying to prevent from happening again? I LOVE your idea of giving the peacock feathers eyes that can really see! That was pretty genius. The last paragraph confused me. Did Zeus make the peacock to keep Bridget safe on earth or to keep Hera company while he was away? I thought you did a great job of changing the story to make it more like a child's bedtime story while still maintaining Hera's jealous nature at the core of the story.
ReplyDeleteI love the layout of your storybook with the color scheme. It really makes me feel like I'm witnessing a feral nature type of scene! Beautiful art selection for the coverpage, especially since it depicts women with their different birds. I love that the introduction portrays the girls pretending to be princesses. It really reminds me of my friends when we were little, we could pretend pretty much anything and we would build fortresses of blankets too! Great job immortalizing this story in a modern point of view for the introduction! I could not help but smile when you described the stuffed animals as their loyal subjects. The little girls are so sweet. It will be a fantastic way to do your storybook by using the mother to tell the little girls the stories of goddesses and their birds. I am really looking forward to which specific stories you will choose because there are so many goddess stories but I do not recall the birds myself. Since I am doing princesses, it made me smile that the girls loved the goddesses as well and not just princess stories. I am really looking forward to reading your storybook, so definitely give it your all! Fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteI really like the picture you used; it was exactly the title to a T! I am so impressed by the images other people find for their stories in the class. Your introduction was fabulous. It was like being placed back in elementary school. I could see my friends and myself pretending to be princesses living in pillow castles, hiding from evil monsters. It was an exceptional way to introduce each of you three stories, because no little girl can go to sleep without a bedtime story and it especially has to be a story about princesses. Although, I was a little confused about the bird part. If they all love birds so much that it has to be in the bedtime story, then why did they not have birds when they were playing their favorite slumber party game? The way you incorporated the little girl, Bridget, into your first story was very clever. I was curious of how you were going to have each girl be in the story since the first story was about Hera, but what you did was incredibly creative. However, I was fairly certain that in Greek mythology gods, the word “god” is lowercased since it is a descriptive term where as when you are referring to God almighty, his name is God so therefore it is capitalized. Other than that I found your retelling to be perfect! These stories were probably originally told to people at parties, for entertainment, and at bedtime. It is perfect for you to write these stories as bedtime stories because that is probably what they were originally used for. Excellent job! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteEmily, I just wanted to say thanks for such an awesome comment! I have seen a few of your comments on other peoples blogs and I love how you always try to give everyone feedback. It definitely shows that you want to help people improve their writing and you are really paying attention to what they are trying to communicate. You are awesome!
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I think the template you chose for your storybook project is very fitting. I love the calm, nature feel it brings. And of course the collage is great for your cover page, showing all three goddesses you will be discussing! Your introduction was fascinating to read and very ‘story-like’. In fact, it reminded me of my childhood and playing dress up and having slumber parties with friends and made up fortresses out of pillows, sheets, and blankets. I think you introduced the theme of the story adequately. I love mythology and reading about gods and goddesses and their supernatural power and beauty, it’s all so fascinating!
After reading your author’s note I would definitely agree with the changes you decided to make in order to make it appropriate for children. The typical story of Hera and Zeus is always a fun one. I enjoyed how you talked about her animal and how it came to be. You did a great job of incorporating bits of the other story (the children being told the bedtime story). I think you did a great job with the first two postings for the Storybook Project. I can’t wait to read about the other goddesses and their birds.
Hey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to thank you for your comment last week. I am trying to step out of my comfort zone when I tell the stories and be more creative when retelling them. Your comment reaffirmed to me that I made the right decision in using a diary style that week. You truly understood what I was trying to accomplish with that, and it boosted my confidence that I made the right choice. Thanks again, and feel free to comment on my posts any time!
Hi, Emily!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say thank you for your comment on my storybook project a few weeks ago. I thought you did a really good job of being positive, constructive, and helpful with your comments. I definitely agree with you about the template, and I have since changed it to something softer like you suggested.
Thanks again!
Hey Emily! Great job on the layout of your website! I love it! It looks very sophisticated and compliments your storybook nicely! You took out time into your pictures so that you could add them to your storybook.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked your introduction. Your introduction has just the right amount of details and excitement without being too long. You definitely captured a very playful and fairy-tale-like tone, which is a nice change of pace from typical Greek-Roman mythological stories.
As for your first story, it is very well written! I like how you incorporated Bridget into the story. I also am glad that you made it G-Rated! We both know Greek-Roman myths are the most kid friendly stories so it must have taken some time to do that. Great job on it!
For your second story, I actually liked this story better than your first one. Partly, because I like Athena more as a goddess. It is also because you took another story that did not include the owl, but added it with your own flare. Your story is very well written and it is easy to follow. I can definitely see Disney coming out with a movie from this plot!!!! Keep up the good work!
Emily,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really like the layout and aesthetics of your blog and storybook. Your color choices and everything look really good so great job there! Your use of images is really great and effective as well!
I really liked your introduction. The characters really jumped off the page and it really made me want to keep reading. I love that your topic is being framed by a storytelling-type frame. It was really interesting to me that you are framing your overall storybook as a storytelling session by the character's mother.
Your first story was awesome. Your use of imagery was really great. I didn't get to read the original story, but I think that your retelling was great, as it fit in very well with your overall theme of a children's story. I could picture the mother telling the little girls about it while they were tucked into bed. I thought it was very well done.
Your second story was also really great. I liked that you use simple language in the story, as it is a tale being told to children in the frame story. I also really liked how you brought back the little girl characters in this story! It was great to see the dialogue of the frame story as well as the individual stories within it.
This is a really pleasant story to read. I love the classic idea of a frame story featuring children being told the individual tales by a mother. The introduction is engaging and the first few paragraphs really paint a nice picture of the three girls and what their passionate about. The voice of the mother shines through both of the stories, which have a very storytell-y (to use a word that does not exist) tone to them.
ReplyDeleteI read the story of Io from Ovid’s Metamorphoses and liked it for what I could understand of it (I was using an old and rather murky translation), but you do a wonderful job of taking what is at times a very sad story and making it much more charming and kid-friendly. I am not as familiar with the other story, but I was glad that you treated me to a tale from Greek mythology that I was completely unfamiliar with.
I like you’ve made such lofty figures as Zeus and Athena very down-to-earth and easy to relate to in keeping with the children’s story theme. The way you insert comments from the three listening children also enhances the appeal of the stories as they show the interactive aspects of storytelling that make it such a fun thing for children to get themselves engaged in.
When I first look at your coverpage, I feel like I'm in a garden, and I think that fits well with the premise of your Storybook. You've done a great job at avoiding a lot of white space, which I think distracts the reader and takes away from visual impact.
ReplyDeleteIn your introduction, is there any reason why Janie's mom asks the girls if she can tell a story about three goddesses? Is it because goddesses are associated with certain birds in the first place? Perhaps I need to read further to find out. It might be worth it to include an explanation on Janie's mom's part. Maybe one of the girls could ask, "Why?" Then, Janie's mom could explain. It's up to you; I don't think it takes too much away from your Storybook.
Typically, I'm used to seeing a lot of anger and sex in stories of Greek mythology, so your first story was a nice change of pace. I must say that the image you chose matches the background very well. It's incredibly pleasing to the eye. Plus, you did a good job and making this seem like an actually bedtime story. It doesn't seem forced at all! Good job!
Hello Emily! This is the first time that I have seen your storybook. I will be commenting on just about everything. Your cover page looks great. The theme is nice and the font is easy to read. I really like the picture as well. You set up your storybook nicely in the introduction. I like how this started as three little girls playing and has now turned into a grand story. You have the commenting “on” on the introduction. That is an easy fix. Go to the open more actions menu, click on page setting and a pop-up window will appear. In that window uncheck the commenting box and that should turn it off. I think a picture would go great on your introduction, maybe a pink castle or something. A picture would help pull the reader in a little more. Plus, I think towards the end of our storybook we have to go back and edit the introduction and include a picture. I love the picture on your first story! Peacocks are beautiful. I like that you added Bridget’s interjection into the first story. I did the same type of thing in my storybook as well. I think adding that helps with the story. “Zeus did not want her walking around the fields by herself after the sun had.” I think you forgot the “gone down” part of this sentence. The rest of your story looked great! If I were you I would look into the “Watch Out For IT” revising technique. I noticed that you use “it” a lot in your stories. I also have this problem but this revision technique does wonders for your writing. I hope this helps and keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteI really love the cover page you have created! I feel that you did a great job of making the reader really feel that they are apart of the story. I think the calming colors you picked were a great idea and they really set the mood for the reader. I also like the picture; it shows so many different birds. The picture also allows for the reader to imagine what the following stories may be about. Great job! One suggestion I do have for you about the cover page is to center the picture. I think it would look more balanced if it were in the middle of the page.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your introduction! I think you did a great job of painting the scene and allowing the reader to feel as if they are there. I love the idea of them having a sleepover and pretending to be princesses. I also like how the ending of your introduction is a great lead in to the next story.
I love your story; Hera and the Peacock. I think you did a great job of conveying the right messages. I also like that you have continued the theme from the introduction in to this post and included one of the girls. Great job!
In Athena and the Owl you did a great job of giving the right amount of details. I think it is so cleaver for two gods to be competing for a city and to have the owl help Athena win!
The design for your storybook is very fitting to your theme and stories. I have seen a lot of people use the tree with blooming flowers, but none of them have been as appropriate as it is for goddesses and their beautiful, pet birds. I like the light colors of the background and the green, earthy colors in the font.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way the introduction set up things from the viewpoint of storytelling meant for little girls. I am kind of glad that the goddesses will not be behaving horribly as they do in many of the Greek stories. Also, I am not familiar with stories of goddesses with their birds, and it makes me curious to see what you have chosen.
The latest story, Aphrodite and the Doves, was adapted perfectly into a bedtime story. It just kind of pushed aside the cheating and the divorce, but it was still true to most of the story. The way the narrator puts the girls into the stories makes the framework seem more real. I also appreciate the random comments from the girls. I know that there is no way they would stay silent through the whole story. Overall, you have done a great job of tailoring the stories and making them your own.
Hey Emily,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I really like the design of your storybook. It's really clean and it doesn't feel cluttered or overly busy. So I think it definitely gives off the divine vibe that I think you're going for. Also, I think your set-up is really nice. I wonder which kind of bird the little girls are going to like best? I'm sure that those little girls got to hear some really cool and interesting bedtime stories. I was super excited to get to read about that first story, because the last line of your Introduction had me hooked-- " Once upon a time..."
I really like the story about the creation of the Peacock, but I definitely liked all the changes that you made to it. I think including Bridget in the story would be something that a parent telling a bedtime story would do, and I'm glad that Zeus wasn't having an affair. His motives in your story are much more appropriate for a child's bedtime story. One thing that might add to your story is if you had the girls and the Mom discuss the story at the end. It might be a way for us, and the girls, to learn a lesson from the story. Just an idea though, because I think you're doing awesome! Keep it up!
Hi Emily, I just wanted to say thanks for all your great comments throughout the semester. You gave great feedback and were very helpful. I felt like you really read what people wrote in their blog posts and you responded with meaningful comments. I hope you have a great rest of the semester and I am glad that we got to “meet” in this class!
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